Sam's Session
by lovingmylife
Summary: Sam heads to Troubled Waters intending to check herself in but finds out she must first meet with a doctor to confirm she needs psychiatric help. Throughout the session Dr. Bliss learns about Sam through her relationships with the people in her life (her sister, her mom, Carly, Spencer and finally Freddie).
1. Chapter 1

**Hey you guys. I know I was supposed to start posting this story months ago but unfortunately things don't always go as planned. I've gotten to a point where i'm comfortable posting it although its not done. I'm hoping some positive reviews and feedback and suggestions will get my writing gears going again. The story contains many flashbacks of Sam at various ages. It was inspired by an episode of the old Nickeldeon cartoon Hey Arnold! The episode is called 'Helga on the Couch.' If you've never seen it (or Hey Arnold for that matter) you should consider watching it on youtube. Its a great episode and a great show. **

**Summary:** Takes place after the events of iOMG and before the beginning of iLost My Mind (although a couple end chapters may be added that take place after the events of iLost My Mind). Sam heads to Troubled Waters intending to check herself in but finds out she must first meet with a doctor to confirm she needs psychiatric help. Throughout the session Dr. Bliss learns about Sam through her relationships with the people in her life (Melanie, her mother, Spencer, Carly, and finally Freddie).

**Note:** I do use Dr. Bliss (the name of the doctor in the Hey Arnold episode) as the name of the doctor in this story. If you've seen the episode you can decide for yourself ifs the same doctor. I didn't intend for it to be the same doctor so much as it was to be a homage to such a great episode, but her looks and personality are similar so they could be the same-it really has no affect on the story.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own iCarly.

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter One: iMeet Dr. Bliss**

Sun was trying to force its way through the clouds in the sky above Seattle. Sam hoped the sun would win the fight; her destination was quite the walk from the bus stop and she rather it didn't start pouring rain on her head. Unfortunately the weather was not in Sam's favor and because the duffle bag over her shoulder didn't contain an umbrella she was soaked to the skin with rain by the time she reached the front doors of the large brick building.

Troubled Waters Mental Institute. At least she had found the right place.

Early this morning, after she had picked the lock at the school and caught the last bus back to her house, Sam had searched 'Seattle Mental Institutes' on Zaplook and Troubled Waters seemed like the perfect one for her. Not only did they take patients with the typical mental medical conditions but they handled ones that could be categorized as bizarre and abnormal.

And what could be more bizarre and abnormal then Samantha Puckett throwing herself at Fredward Benson and kissing him into a state of paralysis?

She still couldn't believe she had done that.

Trying not to think about it Sam walked into the lobby and pulled her wet jacket more tightly around her. Of course the place would be blasting its air-conditioning. She hurried over to the front desk where a tired looking nurse was on the phone. Sam impatiently tapped her foot and drummed her fingers on the desk until the nurse finally finished.

"How may I help you?"

"I need to be admitted." Sam's reply was so straightforward that the nurse was taken back. She smiled at Sam and folded her hands across the desk.

"Are you certain about this miss-"

"Puckett." Sam finished. "And yes, I'm positive."

The nurse shuffled a few objects on her desk, making her disinterest very clear, as she spoke. "Miss Puckett to admit you to Trouble Waters I'm afraid you need a referral from a doctor stating that you in fact have a mental illness or need medical attention or care."

"You should consider putting that on your website." Sam was getting frustrated with this nurse, Miss Pelvin, according to her name tag. "Look I already came all the way here and I don't need some doctor to confirm that I'm crazy I already know that I am."

"Why is it that you think you are 'crazy?'"

"Because," Sam hesitated. She needed to convey to this nurse just how insane she was in a way that didn't make her sound like some poor confused preteen sob story. "There's this boy." She started.

"I see," Miss Pelvin continued to observe her skeptically.

Sam struggled for words. "And I hate him."

"Do you think this hatred for him may put him in danger?" Sam thought she saw a glimmer of interest in the nurse's eyes.

"No more than usual, less actually," she shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts. "See I also-" she looked around the room before leaning in closely, "I also like him."

"Miss Puckett," the nurse said testily, "I don't think you need mental care; I think you need a diary, some good friends and perhaps a pint of ice cream to help you work out your conflicted feelings for this boy."

"But you don't understand I've hated this boy since the moment I met him," Sam argued desperately, "I can't talk to anyone about it because my best friend, well this boy has been in love with her since the moment he saw her, and I don't have any other close friends except for this boy and I do have a sister but she is on like the other side of the country and my mom is out of town, not that either of them would care anyways."

Sam's hysteria had drawn the attention of the few other lobby patrons. Miss Pelvin stood from her chair and placed her hands on the desk. "Unfortunately Miss Puckett there is nothing I can do to help you,"

"But-" Sam's fists were clenched, one at her side the other around the strap of her duffle bag which had slipped to the floor. What was she supposed to do now? She didn't even have bus fare to get back home.

"Miss Pelvin." The nurse and Sam turned to see a women standing at the other end of the desk. She wasn't dressed in scrubs but in a sweater and nice skirt. Sam concluded she must have worked there by the tone with which she addressed the nurse. "I think I can help Miss Puckett." She turned to speak to Sam directly.

"I'm Dr. Bliss," she held out her hand. Sam unclenched her fist and shook hands with the middle aged brunette women. "Sam Puckett."

"It's nice to meet you Sam, I'm a psychologist that works here with the patients and if you aren't busy I'd love to sit down and have a chat with you."

Sam looked around uncertainly. "If I do that can I be admitted?"

"If I think you need the medical attention then yes."

"If you don't can you give me a ride home, I don't have enough money to take the bus." She was being completely serious and she was never one to be comfortable talking about her feelings with people so it was extremely likely she was going to need a way to get home. It should have occurred to her sooner that she was going to have to talk her problems out with the doctors at the mental institution.

Dr. Bliss gave a little laugh. "I'll see if I can work something out for you."

"Okay then."

Nurse Pelvin watched the exchange in shock. "Dr. Bliss I really don't think this girl has any mental illness."

"And I think there may be more to Sam than what meets the eye." Sam smiled. That probably wasn't meant to be a compliment but it was helping her win the debate with the nurse and that's all that mattered at the moment. The actual state of her mental health could wait.

"Don't you have other appointments to take care of, Miss Burell's regular morning appointment." Sam did her best not to listen when Dr. Bliss replied to the nurse's inquisition knowing there was supposed to be some sort of confidentiality. She still managed to catch the phrases 'checked out' and 'healthy weight.'

"Of course, but-" Nurse Pelvin glanced at her appointment book. "What about Mr. Anderson?"

Dr. Bliss's response came quick and again Sam overheard phrases such as 'family visit' and 'anniversary or their loss.' It all made her uncomfortable. She fidgeted, hoping they knew she was still there.

"And I had intended to leave early today," her voice rose a bit, "so the rest of my schedule is clear, if you could please take down Sam's information and then direct her to my office it would be much appreciated."

"I'll do that." Nurse Pelvin started to gather some papers and Dr. Bliss nodded to Sam with a smile before walking off into the building. Sam took the papers handed to her and as she started to fill in the information she began to feel uncertain about whether she needed to be at the mental institution or not.

She handed the papers back to the frazzled nurse who pointed her in the same direction Dr. Bliss had left in. As she walked away she heard the nurse on the phone again with who must have been her supervisor asking to be transferred to a different wing of the hospital.

She drifted down an empty hall, reading off the room numbers and finally found the one with Dr. Bliss printed over it.

She knocked and entered before there could be a reply. The room was cozy and reminded Sam of the room where she and her mom went for family therapy only smaller and friendlier. It wasn't quite as sprightly a place as where the school used to send her for anger management therapy.

"Good morning Sam," Dr. Bliss was sitting in a large arm chair with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Hey," Sam looked around uncomfortably. Her bag was starting to feel heavy, her hair was getting frizzier as it dried and her damp clothes stuck to her awkwardly.

"I see you were already to move in and everything, well just drop your bag by the door and sit anywhere," Sam did as she was told. It occurred to her in the back of her mind that the polite thing to do would be not to sit her self in her soaking wet clothes on the nice upholstered couch; but she was never one to be polite.

"I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea." She said honestly from where she perched on the edge of the cushion.

"What do you mean?"

"Well from the sounds of it your other patients have real issues," Sam said nervously adjusting her clothes to make them less uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop by the way."

"In the lobby you seemed pretty sure your problem was serious too."

"I can be a bit dramatic." Sam admitted.

Dr. Bliss laughed lightly. "Well I think that if you think your problem is serious it's worth listening too."

Now Sam felt really uncomfortable. This woman wanted her to spill her guts and she really wasn't good at that. And what if she didn't think she was crazy. Where did that leave her?

"Well you heard what's wrong with me," Sam blurted out. "The whole lobby did."

"This is true but it might be helpful to hear it again, I can get a clearer understanding."

"How can I be clearer, I hate him and I like him, do normal people have feelings like this?" She was too anxious to sit. She jumped up from her seat and impatiently moved across the room to the window.

The doctor watched as Sam crossed the room in only a few quick steps. "It's uncommon but unfortunately it's like Nurse Pelvin said it's not enough to qualify you for mental illness."

"If you agree with her then why did you even invite me back here?" Sam's feelings were already out-of-whack and now the discomfort from before was completely replaced by annoyance. She was nearly ready to turn back to the door.

"Does this him have a name?"

Sam was startled by the quick change in topic. Not to mention Dr. Bliss's calm delivery of the question. "Excuse me."

"I feel that you may have reason to believe you're "crazy," as you put it, but to know for sure I think I need to know a little bit more about you and this boy, who still remains nameless, and maybe about the other relationships in your life." Dr. Bliss explained. Sam supposed that made sense but-

"That's awfully nosy."

She laughed again, this time much more openly. "Yes I suppose it is but I do mean well and I promise nothing you tell me leaves this room." Sam didn't say anything. She stood there, still ready to make a run for it if necessary, trying to decide if she really wanted to share her feelings with this woman she just met.

"And what exactly do the other relationships in my life have to do with how I feel about Freddie?"

"So he does have a name," Sam crossed her arms defensively. "You don't seem fond of talking about your feelings and a lot of that has to do with your relationships with family, friends-"

"You want me to talk about my dysfunctional family?" Sam asked almost amused by the thought.

"Sometimes it helps to start with talking about someone you are more distant from and work your way up to those you're closest too."

"My sister lives the farthest away if that's what you mean."

"Not exactly what I meant but yes I suppose we can start with your sister," Dr. Bliss placed her coffee down and picked up a notepad from the table. "Tell me about her."

Sam leaned back against the window frame, deciding how to start. "Well her name is Melanie and she's my twin."

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**So what do you all think? Let me know. I'll try to come up with a update schedule like I did with my last chapter story. This one is shorter though and while chapters 1 through 7 are basically done 8-10 are barely written. The rest of the chapters are about half done.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again everyone. A quick thank you to everyone who left a review or favorited or followed the story. This chapter has Sam talking with Dr. Bliss about Melanie and I should warn you the flashback in this chapter is sort of sad. I don't even know how I wrote it. I swear all the flashbacks are not so sad, some are actually funny and happy. I hope it's not too out of character for Sam. She is young in the flashback so I tried to keep that in mind. **

**Anyways, Please Enjoy.**

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Two: iMiss Melanie**

"So you're a twin," Dr. Bliss said as she scribbled this information on her notepad. "Twins tend to have a strong bond with each other."

"Not Melanie and me, we're complete opposites."

"Also common among twins, but it doesn't mean you can't be close."

"We don't really get along."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because she's sweet and nice and polite and I'm not and it disgusts me that she is." Sam started to get more comfortable in the room as she opened up more. She strayed from her spot by the window, walking in front of the bookshelves and carefully noting all the degrees and awards placed neatly on them. If any good came from speaking with this doctor it was that she was no longer focused on her problems with a certain boy. "And she acts like it's not a big deal that we're so different; like the fact that we haven't actually lived together for almost ten years shouldn't affect how we are around each other."

"And you think it is a big deal, where is your sister if she doesn't live with you?" Dr. Bliss questioned.

"She goes to a fancy boarding school on the other side of the country," Sam explained and quickly added, "she's on scholarship, she's smart and perfect and she used to come home for the summer but as we got older her friends would invite her on trips and now she only comes home for a few days at a time if she even comes at all."

"It sounds a little like you resent your sister leav-"

"I couldn't care less what she does," Sam interrupted. She walked back over to the window so her back was to Dr. Bliss. So what if she was mad at her sister for leaving; she had every right to be. Anyone would be mad if they'd been left alone with a crazy mother and no father to look after them.

"You said it's been ten years since you lived together, so she left-"

"Middle of the first grade."

"So you were maybe six or seven," Dr. Bliss guessed. She turned in her chair to watch Sam stare out the window. "That's pretty young, to be separated from someone who's always been around can be upsetting at that age."

Sam scoffed and turned around. "Yeah I was upset, you want to hear the oh-so tragic tale of when perfect little Melanie did the right thing and left for boarding school."

"Do you think it will help me understand you better?"

"I have the option _not_ to tell you?"

"Of course."

"Is this some sort of reverse psychology," Sam asked curiously, "you tell me I don't have to tell you anything and then I feel like I can tell you everything."

"You've discovered my master scheme," the smirk on Dr. Bliss' face was more comforting than any smile she had given Sam so far.

"Alright I'll tell you, but I'm warning you I wasn't as tough back then as I am now and this is a tear jerker."

_It wasn't fair. Why wasn't she smart like her sister? Why wasn't she invited to the fancy boarding school? Why were those people taking her sister away from her? She didn't have anybody else. She wasn't good at making friends; Melanie said it was because she wasn't very nice but she didn't know how to be any different. But it didn't really matter in the end because Mel was always there to talk to or play with even if Sam did pull her hair or steal her fish sticks when she wasn't looking. _

_Only now Melanie was leaving her to go to some school on what might as well have been the other side of the world. She'd have no one._

"_Sam we have to go now or your sister is going to miss her plane." Sam hurried into the living room where her mom was standing by the door. _

"_Where's Mel?"_

"_She's so excited, she's already in the car now hurry up." Sam squeezed past her mom, ran to the car and climbed in the back next to Melanie. For twins they were nothing alike. Mel was sitting, already buckled, wearing a pale blue dress and shiny Mary Jane's on her feet. She had sat still while their mother brushed her hair and pulled it up in a pretty pony tail and her hands and face were clean. _

_Sam had fidgeted and fought while her mom tried to brush through her tangled mess of curls and finally gave up not bothering to make it look nice. Not to mention her clothes and face were splattered with her breakfast that she had dropped while carrying it to the table. _

"_I'm not sure if I'm excited or nervous, I mean this is going to be a lot of fun and I'm going to make tons of new friends but it's so far away and I'm gonna miss you and mom so much," Melanie was talking wildly, as she had been for the last month, and Sam just grunted like she was actually listening. Their mom got in the car and they were halfway down the street when she remembered to tell Sam to buckle her seat belt. _

"_I bet you wouldn't be nervous Sammy, you're not afraid of anything," Sam finally gave her sister her full attention. "Sometimes I wish I could be more like you. _

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah, it would make things a lot easier if I was as fearless as you are." Sam thanked her sister but couldn't help but feel like Mel was wrong. She wasn't fearless. She was terrified of not having her sister around. She couldn't tell her that though because she was just so happy about this new school. _

_Every time she almost told Melanie that she wanted her to stay she'd see her smile and first she'd wonder why when she smiled it didn't look like that and then she'd remember what it look liked when she frowned and she just couldn't bring herself to say it. _

_Not to mention her mother was so happy about it. So proud that one of her daughters was actually going to do something with her life and not turn out like the rest of the family. It was making her act like a real mom and Sam didn't want to ruin it._

_When they were at the airport her mother had started explaining to Melanie that a woman from the school would be meeting her at the airport and not to leave with anyone else and that if she needed anything to ask the flight attendant. _

_It was when they called for the passengers to start boarding that Sam lost it. Melanie was hugging their mom goodbye and she blurted it out. _

"_You can't leave!"_

_Melanie just looked confused. "Why not, I checked before I didn't forget anything."_

"_NO, NO, NO!" Sam shouted clenching her fists and drawing the attention of the people around them. "You can't leave; you can't leave me here by myself!" _

"_Oh Sammy," Melanie dropped her carry-on bag on the floor. "I'm not going away forever, I'll be home again in the spring and all of summer." She stepped towards Sam but Sam backed up shaking her head furiously. _

"_I don't want you to go." _

"_But Sam I have to go."_

"_Melanie's not going away forever Samantha." Her mother went to place her hand on her shoulder. _

"_NO!" Sam shouted again. "I don't want you to go, if you go then don't come back at all!" _

_Another announcement was made for passengers to board the plane. Melanie looked at the gate and then back at her twin. Tears were starting to roll down Sam's cheeks and seeing her cry was making Melanie want to cry too. _

"_Sammy I love you and I'm gonna miss you, but I gotta go," she picked up her bag and headed towards the lady who would be taking her to her seat. _

"_I hate you!" Sam took off running through the airport. She heard her mother calling after her to stop but she didn't. She kept running as fast as her short legs could carry her until finally she couldn't run anymore and sat down in the middle of the floor crying. _

_Her mother eventually caught up with her. Sam cried into her mother's shoulder as she carried her to the car. She fell asleep half way home, tears still streaming down her face. She woke up tucked into her bed. _

_She sat up quickly, jumped out of bed and ran across the hall. Maybe it had been a bad dream and Melanie was still here. Then they could go and convince their mom it would be easier to order a pizza than to make dinner because they both knew she loved not having to cook for them. _

_But Melanie wasn't in her room. Or the living room. Or the Bathroom. She was on a plane to her fancy boarding school and Sam was alone._

By the time Sam finished her story she was lying on the couch. Rather than think about how cliché it was she focused on how comfortable the cushions were and the fact that she hadn't slept much.

"You know Sam how you responded to your sister leaving was completely normal."

"I know."

"But I do find it odd that you haven't forgiven her yet," Dr. Bliss admitted.

Sam propped herself up on her elbow. "What do mean?"

"It's just as people grow older and mature they usually learn to forgive and forget as the saying goes." She explained. "By now one would have forgiven their sister knowing that she was only doing what was best."

"Are you calling me immature?" Sam asked defensively. "Maybe I have forgiven Melanie."

"Have you, it's just that you sounded pretty angry speaking about her," Sam sat up abruptly.

"I'm not angry with her, just annoyed by her, and we talk sometimes so it's not like I'm still peeved at her for leaving," she reasoned. There was already enough things wrong with her, so she didn't need Dr. Bliss believing there was one extra one when there really wasn't.

"What do you talk about?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Telling me what you guys talk about will give me some idea of how much you trust her, how comfortable you are with her."

"Oh," Sam tried to think of something she and Melanie talked about but the conversations were generally short and pointless.

Seeing that Sam was having difficulty with the question Dr. Bliss asked her what the last conversation they had was about. "I think it was about food, she called to tell me they had both turkey and ham in the dining hall for the Thanksgiving Day feast, she knows how much I love ham and wanted to tell me that I would have loved it."

"Well that was nice of her to think of you." Dr. Bliss scribbled something on her clipboard. It made Sam fidget. "Can you recall any more in depth talks you two may have shared?"-

Sam looked utterly confused for a second before realizing she meant a conversation that held more emotional significance. One fairly recent one did come to mind.

"There was one conversation, the last time she came to visit."

"What was it about?" Sam smiled at the thought. Freddie could be so stupid sometimes.

"Freddie," Dr. Bliss quickly noted that it was the same Freddie who they mentioned earlier. "He can be sort of gullible and Carly and I might take advantage of that every once in a while, so when he found out my sister was coming to town, a sister who he's never seen or heard of and who happens to look just like me he didn't believe it, he thought we were pulling another prank on him."

"He didn't believe you were twins, didn't you introduce him."

"Yes and no, she was only here for a few days and we managed not to be together whenever he was around, so he did meet her I just didn't introduce him."

"So he never saw you two together, does he still not believe that she exists?"

"I think he might doubt that she doesn't not exist but he never did see us together."

"So how does this tie back to you and Melanie sharing a personal conversation?"

"Well she sort of went out on a date with him, he asked her out thinking it was me and thinking that I wouldn't agree, he was trying to bust us." Dr. Bliss gave her a suspicious look and Sam knew what she was getting at. "Don't think like that, I wasn't jealous or anything, I didn't like him then, this was a couple years ago now."

"Alright I believe you."

"Good, now can we move on to the conversation?"

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**So what did you all think? Let me know in a review, I love getting feedback.**

**Hopefully my updates for this story will be consistent but of course I'm now inspired to write like ten other stories. Oh and there is also school work to be done. But my plan is about two updates a week.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I didn't get a whole lot of feedback on the last chapter but that's okay. I think you guys will like this one. It's more Sam and Melanie but Freddie is their topic of of conversation so that's fun. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. **

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Three: Melanie and Sam**

_Sam was lying across her bed on her stomach sorting out the colored note cards with iCarly ideas written across them. Two piles: definitely yes and the ones that were Freddork's ideas. She heard the front door open and close but no stomping followed so she was sure it was her sister home from her date with Freddie and not her mom home from her own date. She glanced at the clock that sat lopsided on a pile of papers on her desk. It was still early; Freddie must have been too boring even for her patient, well-mannered sister to stand. _

_A minute later Melanie showed up in her doorway, long blonde ponytail hanging over her shoulder and an amused smile on her face. She knocked on the doorframe even though they had already made eye contact. Sam rolled her eyes but Melanie bounced into the room anyways and plopped down on the bed next to her. Sam hoped she didn't want to talk endlessly about her date. Carly often made her do that and apparently it was a sisterly thing to do. _

"_That boy is silly."_

"_I prefer the term nerdy, it's a better fit."_

"_Why is he so convinced that I don't exist?"_

_Sam glanced up at her from the corner of her eye. She couldn't hide her smirk. "I tried to tell him but I guess he has reasons to be suspicious."_

"_Like the clown day prank?"_

"_You saw that one?" Sam sat up. She didn't think Melanie had time to watch the show._

"_I watch all of them, I get my friends at school to watch them too, we usually get together in the parlor and hook my laptop to the TV so we can watch it on the big screen." So maybe her sister wasn't always irritating, Sam thought, but she still annoyed her ninety five percent of the time. _

_She turned her attention back to the cards in front of her. She didn't want to talk with her sister anymore but couldn't help but ask, "so you're back early, did you finally see what a nub Fredison is?" _

_Melanie giggled. "No, I still think he's adorable and he's such a gentleman I don't understand why you pick at him so much, he's sweet and smart, I'm glad he's a friend of yours."_

_Sam looked at her questioningly. "Why does it matter to you who I'm friends with?" _

_Melanie had her turn at rolling her eyes. "Because I'm your sister and believe it or not I want what's best for you."_

"_How is being Freddie's friend what's best for me?" She returned skeptically. "And don't tell me he's a good influence, I think I hear that enough as it is."_

"_He balances you out, kind of like Carly does but differently, he's very technical and you're artistic and creative, he's gentle and you're brash, but you're both incredibly stubborn so when forced to work together it evens out." Sam stared at her still trying to understand. "With Carly as a mediator I'm sure." Melanie added and Sam nodded thinking she understood. "You're good for him too, maybe not all the time but if what you've told me about him is true and what I learned tonight then you are, you make him more confident you give him some one to stand up to."_

"_Most people think I do more harm than good to his self-esteem."_

"_Well you might not be very nice to him and you may exaggerate a bit but you don't lie, from the sounds of it he gets plenty of praise from his family and teachers so when you're a little more realistic and straightforward it doesn't affect him as much as it would others; at least I don't think it does."_

"_When did you think about all this?" She asked, astounded that Melanie had analyzed her entire relationship with Freddie after knowing him only a few days._

"_On the way home."_

_It was quiet for a minute. Melanie sat humming, completely unaware that she was making Sam's brain work much harder than it usually did all because she was now contemplating her relationship with Freddie._

_Sam finally decided there was no relationship to contemplate. They were friends, kinda, frenemies might be a better term. Either way she was changing the subject, "if you like him so much, what are you doing back already?" _

"_Well I was having a lot of fun at first but it got kind of awkward after I kissed him and he ran away from me."_

"_Ew, you kissed him?"_

"_Tried to, he freaked out though and I ended up chasing him through the crowd." Sam snickered and fell back on the bed. "He said something kind of funny though when I did kiss him."_

Sam paused in the recollection of her and Melanie's conversation. Melanie cornered her into an interrogation about Freddie's "we swore we'd never do that again," comment. She had brushed it off with Melanie and though she may eventually have to tell Dr. Bliss about that monumental shift in her and Freddie's friendship she didn't think now was the moment.

So she skimmed over that part and picked up where the conversation was in safe territory again.

"_I don't care what you say Sam I know you like having him as a friend, he's just the type of guy you'd keep around, you said so yourself."_

_Sam couldn't recall ever saying that she'd pick a guy like Freddie to be around, nerds and mama's boys weren't exactly her first choice of company and she told Melanie so. She laughed and Sam assumed it was a boarding school thing and she just wasn't going to get it. _

"Are you sure your sister wasn't referring to something you'd said?"

"I don't know I guess she might have taken something I said the wrong way."

"Well its sounds like you don't talk much to her, so narrow it down to all the times you guys talked about boys." Sam leaned back against the couch and tilted her head back. She was right. They didn't talk much so perhaps if she only considered the conversations about boys, but she still can't imagine telling her she'd prefer the company of nubs. "Keep in mind that Melanie doesn't think of Freddie the same way you do." Sam stared at the ceiling hoping an answer would appear. How did Melanie see Freddie? She called him a gentleman.

"Oh."

_Sam and Melanie sat on the living room couch, Sam staring past her mother to the cartoons on the TV and Melanie patiently listening to her mother with her book closed in her lap. Their mother was going on and on about not using the stove and microwave while she was gone and not to open the door. Pam Puckett was off on another date leaving her two daughters, almost six years old now, home. She felt that responsible Melanie would keep herself and her sister out of trouble no doubt. _

_On occasion she got them a babysitter but as of late it happened far less._

_The doorbell rang and Sam was given a clear view of the TV while her mother went to answer it. A man roughly her mother's age entered. It was the same man that she had gone on her past three dates with. Mel smiled politely and Sam gave some grunt of acknowledgment when he said hello. So far she didn't have any particular reason to dislike the guy but as a general rule her mom had bad taste in men. Even at five years old she was aware of this. _

"_You should be nicer Sam, I think mom really likes him." Melanie said. She picked up her worn out copy of Cinderella and stood from the couch. "Wouldn't it just be so romantic if they got married?"_

_Sam sighed at her naïve twin. "Mom's not going to get married anytime soon and this guy is probably no better than the rest; her last boyfriend ate all our food and the one before that just slept on our couch." Remembering that detail Sam stood from the couch too. "He didn't shower enough either." She followed Melanie to the kitchen and pulled open the fridge only to find it mostly empty. _

"_Well maybe John will be different."_

"_Or he'll be just as mean, rude and smelly." Sam crossed her arms and looked up at the out of reach cabinets. "You think it matters to any of them that their dates keep Mom from being around to make my dinner."_

_Melanie opened one of the lower cabinets. She pulled out a box of cereal and moved to the dishwasher. Thankfully the dishes were clean today and she was able to split the remaining cereal between them. She added milk and also took the apple sauce from the refrigerator. They sat at the kitchen table, pushed aside the junk that was piled on it and ate there makeshift dinner. _

"_What type of boy do you want to marry Sammy?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_My guy will have to be romantic and heroic and handsome." Melanie said dreamily. Sam slurped the milk from her cereal. Listening to her starry-eyed sister go on and on about who could only be prince charming himself was sort of pathetic. _

"_I don't think about that sort of stuff," Sam replied. _

"_Well think about it now, please," Melanie pulled the puppy dog face that only ever worked when she used it. Despite the fact that they were identical it never had the same affect when she tried. But Sam wasn't one to fall for the sad eyes and Melanie knew that. So she bribed her instead. "I'll climb up on counter and get the peanut butter if you tell me." She knew how much her sister craved protein. _

"_Fine." Sam thought about the question. She could probably have made something up that satisfied her sister but part of her she had no control over made her really think about it. She didn't like anybody her mother brought home, she never wanted to date anyone like them. _

"_A guy who isn't mean and ignores me." She said but her sister clearly expected more. "Someone who buys me food instead of takes it from me, and someone who doesn't smell gross, and they can't be ugly."_

"_Sam! That's not nice."_

"_You said handsome, it means the same thing!"_

"_Fine, but just so you know it sounds like you want a gentleman."_

"_Gentleman sounds boring," Sam considered this and added, "I have to marry someone I can have fun with."_

"_Mom seems to have a lot of fun with this guy, maybe she will marry him." Melanie's optimism was good for her but Sam was much more realistic. That's why it didn't surprise her when later that night, possibly even early the next morning Melanie was shaking her awake and asking if she could sleep with her. _

"_What's wrong with your bed?" Sam mumbled into her pillow._

"_I'm scared, I hope you're right, I don't want mommy to marry that guy." Sam could hear the shouting in the living room now. It must have woken Mel but she was such a heavy sleeper she hadn't noticed. She asked Melanie if the bedroom door was locked and then scooted over so she could climb in next to her. _

_Melanie buried her face between the pillow and Sam's shoulder. Sam tried to fall back to sleep and ignore the yelling in the living room. She drifted off quickly enough but not before thinking that any guy she married would have to be a nice guy._

"None of your mother's boyfriends ever tried to hurt you or your sister did they?"

"No, she may be a really bad mom with awful taste in men but she never kept anyone around too long, especially anyone who was a threat; she wouldn't hesitate to kick them right out of the house and she physically could by the way."

"Well that's good to know." Dr. Bliss said. "Do you think you know now why your sister thought Freddie was good for you to have around?"

Sam felt her cheeks go a little pink. It was embarrassing to her to think that Freddie actually met the standards her six year old self set for marrying material. Why had she not ruled out dorks at the time? "Melanie was always the smarter sister; I shouldn't be surprised she figured this out before me, that's why she's at the boarding school and I'm at Ridgeway."

There was a long pause between them. Sam yawned. She hadn't slept much last night. Maybe three hours. After her escape from school a little after midnight and not being able to fall asleep for a few hours after returning home her phone alarm woke her in time to catch the bus to Trouble Waters at six thirty in the morning. She looked over at Dr. Bliss who was rereading her notes. Finally she looked up.

"Sam just out of curiosity did your sister apply to go away to boarding school?"

"Yes." She didn't know why that mattered.

"Did you apply to go to the boarding school too?" Sam was starting to understand just how Dr. Bliss received all the awards that were framed and sitting on the bookshelf.

"So what if I did?"

"Why didn't you go?"

"I didn't pass the entrance exam, I was three points short of the required score."

"You remember how many points you got?"

"Well considering all the fuss everyone made of it, yeah, the school even made me go in for an interview because they thought maybe they'd still want me, unfortunately I don't come off well to people so rather than reconsidering accepting me they seemed quite pleased that I didn't pass their little test."

"Did you want to go to the boarding school?'

"Yes, no, I don't know, my mom wanted us to go, probably so she wouldn't have to take care of us all the time but you know too bad for her, both of her daughters couldn't be perfect so she got stuck with me." Sam crossed her arms and stood from the couch. She really hated talking about the fact that her sister was just an all-around better person than her. "Can we please change the subject?"

"We don't have to talk about your sister anymore," Dr. Bliss said calmly and hoped she hadn't lost her chance to keep Sam talking. "I'd like to know a little more about your mother though, she seems intriguing."

"That's not the word most people use."

"What word would you use?" Sam thought about this carefully. Just one word to describe her mother; lazy, gullible, rude were words that all came to mind but Sam didn't settle on any of them.

"Failure."

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**So in the next couple of chapters will be moving from Sam's relationship with Melanie to her relationship with her mom. One of the flashbacks takes place while Sam is participating in pageants and the other is a cutesier one. I think they're both pretty good**

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Did you like it?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello readers. Sorry this is up a little later than usual, I was actually all caught up in reading something and refused to do anything until I finished. Thanks to those of you who reviewed this last chapter; I got a few more than I did on the last chapter and that always gives me a little confidence boost and I end up writing a bunch of stuff. **

**Anyways we move on to Sam's mom in this chapter. It's weird writing characters that we see so little of but hear so much about. Hopefully I was somewhat successful. ENJOY!**

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Four: Apples and Trees**

"Failure is a strong word Sam."

"Failure is an appropriate word," she retorted. "She fails at being a mom, she failed at being a wife, she fails at keeping a job; it might not sound very nice but it's true and I could be a lot harsher, to fail at something you have to try and she does but she doesn't exactly put a lot of effort into it."

"That's very insightful." Dr. Bliss pointed out.

She shrugged, "well I like to believe that I'm not a complete idiot."

"So tell me more about your mother, was she always sort of negligent when you and your sister were young?"

Sam thought carefully for a moment keeping in mind her mom could potentially get in trouble for some of her behavior. "Yeah, I mean we were pretty good at taking care of ourselves since we were little so I suppose it wasn't so bad that she usually left us alone, but she could have paid a little more attention to us, Melanie got more than I did," she explained. "The most attention she ever gave me was when I was in those stupid beauty pageants when I was little."

"You don't seem like the pageant type." Her head gave a small shake, realizing that it didn't fit with what she already learned about Sam.

"I'm not, my mom made me because she thought it was the only opportunity left for me to be as perfect as Melanie." Sam crossed her arms stiffly.

"Are you sure that's really the case, I mean there are benefits to child pageants, scholarships and such maybe your mother just wanted what was best for you."

"After every pageant, dance practice, rehearsal, all I ever heard was some variation of "you'll never be as good as Melanie," never once did I hear "good job Sammy," Melanie didn't even know how to dance, my mom just assumed she was better than me at that too." Sam's anger, though she tried to hold it back, was tapping in to her reserve energy and she found herself stomping across the room.

"A lot of parents are hard on their kids when it comes to competition, it's a weird way of showing they care; they want you to succeed."

"I came in second nineteen times, but why should that be considered successful?" Sam asked sarcastically.

Dr. Bliss scribbled something down. Sam didn't notice. She was extremely frustrated; just like she always was when those stupid pageants came up.

"I'm sorry you didn't get any acknowledgment for your accomplishments, second place nineteen times is pretty impressive, your mother never seemed proud of that?"

_**She turned to walk off stage and wobbled on her heel. She'd never learn to walk in the girly little shoes. Once out of sight of the audience her mother approached her, handed her a chicken wing and pointed out her wobbly exit; like she needed her to point it out. **_

"_**I'll do better next time."**_

"_**Just focus on your routine for right now, go get changed, I see a set of bobby pins on that table and if I make them disappear they will be missed." Sam rolled her eyes at her mom's sabotage and ran upstairs to get changed.**_

_**The dressing room was crowded with screaming girls and mothers made up with make up like they were the ones competing. She pushed past a small group huddled together admiring each other's' dresses, a slightly rougher bump into LeAnn Carter. She found her bag of things and changed quickly into her dance costume and tap shoes. She "borrowed" one girl's curling iron while she argued with her mom about what shade of lipstick she should wear and "borrowed" another girl's shoe polish while she argued with her mom about what song she was singing. **_

_**The door to the dressing room opened and she looked up instinctively. It was pointless. It was never her mom coming to help her with her hair or makeup. It didn't matter she'd seen the other kids do it so often she eventually picked up on it. She never put on as much makeup as them though. She thought she looked like a clown the one time she did and the judges always complimented her on her natural look-whatever that meant.**_

_**She snuck a second chicken wing out of her mother's purse before reapplying some lip gloss. She wanted to find a space to practice her routine again but could hardly move in the room let alone dance. The hallway was pretty empty and fairly wide so Sam once more forced her way across the room. **_

_**She was disappointed to see the hallways were carpeted but she started practicing anyways. A few people walked past. Parents watched her, sizing up their daughters' competition, prep-people passed in such a rush they never noticed her, one person stopped to admire. **_

"_**Samantha, you just keep getting better and better with every pageant, I bet you're going to win this time."**_

_**Sam stopped mid shuffle and sighed. She had to be nice; if she got into it with anymore contestants they were going to kick her out. "Thanks LeAnn but I haven't beaten you the past nineteen times why would I be able to beat you this time?"**_

"_**You're routine is amazing, the judges are going to love it, I wish I would have picked a different song." Sam was overcome with the urge to tell her to switch songs. If it wasn't one she practiced she might mess up. She might actually have a chance at winning. But she didn't say anything, she'd leave the sabotage up to her mom. **_

"_**You'll do great just like you always do, I better practice some more." Sam just wanted LeAnn to leave her alone. She didn't like how chummy the girl was. **_

"_**The talent portion of the competition will be beginning shortly," an announcement came over the intercom, "please all contestants report backstage."**_

_**LeAnn gave her one of those pageant winning smiles and turned to leave. Sam saw it from the corner of her eye. LeAnn's heel snagged on a loose loop in the carpet. She toppled over, tried to grab the railing but missed and tumbled down the stairs. Sam ran over to the top of the steps. There was a landing about eight steps down where her rival had landed haphazardly and tangled in her dress. **_

_**Sam didn't know what to do. Was it bad that part of her thought she'd actually have a chance to win this time? She was about to go get help or call to LeAnn when she heard gasps and chattering behind her. She looked over her shoulder to find the occupants of the dressing room had exited and were watching on suspiciously. **_

_**Rumors started flying.**_

_**Most of the contestants hated her for always placing second despite her brash behavior and unsophisticated way of answering questions. All of them knew she was a bit on the violent and competitive side. Within a minute three mothers claimed to have seen Sam push LeAnn down the stairs. Children were backing up the stories, confirming that Sam had roughly shoved LeAnn not five minutes ago in the dressing room. LeAnn herself couldn't come to her defense. She had bit her lip in the fall and her parents were rushing her off to find ice and stop the swelling in time for her performance. **_

_**Before she knew it officials had been called on and her mother was found. Endangering or injuring another competitor was against the rules and had severe consequences. She was being placed on a seven year ban from pageants. Nobody listened when she tried to defend herself. Her mother said almost nothing and went to collect their things from the dressing room. **_

"_**Mom I swear I didn't-" **_

"_**Sam, you really shouldn't have done that." Pam said as she collected her purse. **_

"_**But I-"**_

"_**Not that I don't think it was a good effort, bravo for trying but I just don't think you were quite ready for such a level of sabotage, if that was your plan I would have handled LeAnn and you could have taken the other girl's bobby pins."**_

"_**What?"**_

"She was actually proud of me for trying to be bad, all that effort into those ridiculous pageants hoping she would give me a little congratulations and it turned out all I needed to do was cheat." Sam said with a roll of her eyes. "Is it any wonder I have a record."

"You've been arrested?"

"More than once, if you're going to make a note."

"You're just full of surprises aren't you?" Dr. Bliss got up to refill her cup of coffee. It was going to be a long day. But Sam was such an intriguing young women that she would willing sit the whole day talking to her. She glanced back at Sam, noticing the circles under her eyes, she offered her a cup too. She declined but when offered water she accepted. "So you believe that your mom participating in and encouraging negative behavior led you to taking part in more negative behavior."

"I guess she can't be completely to blame, I was always a trouble maker but I mean isn't there some psychology behind it, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that chiz."

"I'm not saying you're mom isn't responsible, from what I can tell she can probably hold quite a bit of the blame."

Sam got quiet. She sipped her water slowly. Dr. Bliss could easily see something was bothering her but she wasn't sure she wanted to say it out loud.

"You must remember I am not here to judge you Sam, I'm just here to listen and help if I can."

"It's nothing, it's just people who have met me and my mom are always telling me that we're so much alike and I don't want to be like my mom, I mean her life is a mess, what if I turn out just like her."

"It's your life Sam, you can make it turn out however you want it to."

"Well I'm not exactly helping myself then, I'm lazy like my mom, I'm always in trouble, I'm always being mean, I've never had a boyfriend that didn't cheat on me or turn out to be a complete jerkbag."

"Have you ever tried to change those things?" Sam shrugged in response. Maybe she had; but if so it wasn't intentional. And she did finally have feelings for a boy who was genuinely kind and gentlemanly to girls; girls that weren't her of course. Why did it have to be him?

She was losing focus. What had Dr. Bliss just asked?

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you had any happy memories with your mother."

Sam thought back. Most of her childhood memories were blurry but none of them qualified as happy anyways. As she got older she and her mom spent a little more time together. Generally the time was spent unwilling helping her mother with disgusting tasks. Maybe they had had a conversation or two that was pleasant. Since Carly made them go to family therapy things were a little better. They acted almost exactly as they had before only the hate that seemed to be there before wasn't leaking into their words and actions anymore. She started to tell Dr. Bliss about the family therapy when a happy memory came to mind.

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**So what did you guys think? **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. Glad you guys are enjoying the story. This chapter has a cuter little flashback in it. Its also a little shorter than the others but the next chapter is long so it balances out. **_  
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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Five: iDon't Hate My Mom**

_Carly and Freddie stuck close behind Sam as she led the way down the sidewalk towards her house. She couldn't blame them for being antsy, she didn't exactly live in the best neighborhood and usually they avoided it by spending all their time at Carly's. The only reason they were even going to her house was because Sam's mom texted her that there was a surprise at home and Sam was afraid she might need back up. _

"_So the text didn't give any hints as to what the surprise is?" Carly asked._

"_Nope, just to come straight home after school."_

"_Did it sound good or bad?"_

"_It was a text Freddork, it didn't sound like anything." As they approached Sam's house they cut through the uncut yard and climbed the old porch steps. _

_When Sam reached out to turn the door knob Carly skeptically asked if maybe they should lock the door. Sam shrugged, "What are they going to steal?"_

_Sam tossed her bag aside and turned to the others indicating that they should do the same. Freddie set his bag down carefully and Carly clung more tightly to her own. "Whatever." Sam rolled her eyes. "MOM, I'm home, and I brought Carly and Freddie."_

_The trio entered the living room where Pam Puckett was on the couch laughing hysterically at the television and didn't notice them. "Mom," Sam said in an attempt to get her attention. There was no acknowledgement just more laughter brought on by a program none of the teens recognized. "MOM!"_

_Carly and Freddie flinched. Mrs. Puckett finally looked up. _

"_What do you want?"_

"_You texted me to come home?"_

"_Oh, right, right, in the kitchen." She waved them off. Sam rolled her eyes, lifted herself off the wall she leaned against and turned wearily for her kitchen. She peered through the doorway expecting the worst but didn't immediately see anything out of the ordinary. _

"_Did she get you food or something?" Carly asked. "Maybe you could check the fridge or cabinets."_

"_Hey do you hear scratching?" Sam and Carly turned their attention to Freddie. "It sounds like its coming from over there." He pointed suspiciously to a pile of cardboard boxes, some still in cube form and others broken down flat. Sam cautiously moved towards them. She didn't know what to expect. She briefly thought her mother had cornered a rat but they weren't usually a problem with old three legged Frothy still running around the house. _

"_Careful Sam," Carly warned as she reached for the pile. She lifted a flat box away from the rest and uncovered a makeshift cage. She prepared herself for a rodent baring its teeth but when nothing jumped at her she relaxed. Then her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. On closer inspection she had spotted a white and honey colored fluff ball. She reached out to touch it and a nose popped out. Long ears popped up. Feet appeared and sprung the fluff ball forward into her hand. _

"_Sam what is it?" Carly asked. She was hiding behind Freddie in case anything did feel the need to jump out. _

"_It's a bunny." Sam replied. She wanted to laugh at herself. She sounded about five years old but it was a bunny and that was very exciting to her. Carly and Freddie moved forward and peered into the box where the bunny was pawing at Sam's hand, insistent that it be picked up and removed from its prison. _

"_It's so cute." Carly squeaked. Sam picked up the bunny with both hands and held it close to her chest. She started giggling against her will when it started burrowing into her hair and tickling her neck with its fluffy feet. _

_Sam was in awe. When her mother had said that they could get a new bunny she never thought it would happen. She honestly thought it was just something to say to get them out of the therapy box. She glanced at Carly who would understand the significance of the whole thing. Her smile was very knowing and in her eyes she could see that her friend was yearning for her turn to hold the small animal. She pulled it free of her hair and passed it to Carly. The brunette's eyes lit up with excitement. _

"_It is cute; can you tell if it's a boy or girl?" Freddie asked. Sam glanced from him back to Carly. She lifted the bunny. It nipped at her finger. _

"_I think it's a girl." Sam and Freddie nodded in agreement. "Here," Carly held their furry friend out to Freddie who looked skeptical. _

"_You afraid of her Benson?" Sam asked amused. _

_Freddie's scrunched his nose. "My mom always said I was allergic to rabbits but she may have just been being paranoid." He held out his arms, the bunny scuttled from Carly's hands to Freddie's larger ones. He brought it closer to his face to test his senses. No running nose or watery eyes plagued him. _

"_Guess your mom's just paranoid."_

"_Yeah, she said the same thing about cats, dogs, hamsters, reptiles-"_

"_Sounds like your mom's not an animal person." Carly said._

"_His mom isn't exactly a people person either." Sam added._

"_It's sad really, I always wanted a pet, I wonder why she's so against th-" He paused and his face contorted to something between confusion and disgust. "I think she just peed in my hand-take it back please." Carly looked utterly grossed out but Sam took the bunny back with an even more loving smile than she had upon first picking her up. _

"_That's Mama's girl."_

"_I knew she'd be a good pick for you." Mrs. Puckett was standing in the doorway now. "You should have seen her at the pet shop, smallest one of the bunch, I watched her climb over all the others at feeding time and then when I went to pick one out it bit some kid's hand and I knew it was meant to be."_

"_It's like you two were separated at birth," Freddie said sardonically as he washed his hands at the kitchen sink. Sam didn't pay him any mind. She cuddled the rabbit back against her chest and smiled at her mom. _

"_Thanks, I didn't really think you would replace Fluffles."_

"Replace Fluffles?" Dr. Bliss asked. "What happened to the original Fluffles?"

"My mom sold him." Sam replied casually.

"You're mother sold your pet?!" That was a surprise to hear and Dr. Bliss heard a lot of strange things in her office.

"She told me he ran away."

"Wow, when did she tell you what really happened?"

"Not too long ago when Carly made me and my mom go to family therapy."

"_Aw, well I said I would kiddo, but you're taking care of the little rat." Sam smiled. She supposed she didn't really want the responsibility but she also didn't want to start a fight when her mom had tried to provide a kind gesture. She stepped forward wrapping her free arm around her mother. "Got any ideas for a name yet."_

_Sam looked her little white and honey colored bunny in the eyes. She couldn't call this one Fluffles too. That wouldn't be right. She needed her own name. "I'm too hungry, get back to me on a name."_

"So what did you end up calling her?" Dr. Bliss asked curiously.

"My mom had picked up a bag of Caramel Crèmes at the gas station on her way back from the pet shop, Carly pointed out that one of the spots on the bunny's side happened to look like a Caramel Crème so that's what I called her." Sam explained. Just the thought was making her hungry.

"Cute, my daughter has one of those little purse dogs, she calls it chocolate chip, makes me think there must be some kind of psychology behind naming our pets after our favorite foods."

Sam considered the thought for a moment before shaking it off. "Anyways, that's the most recent of the happy memories I have with her, my mom that is."

"Do you think things have improved since you and her have been going to see the family counselor?"

"We're not as hostile," Sam replied. "She still treats me more like a friend than a daughter unless she's reprimanding me."

"It sounds like you get a lot of mixed signals from your mom, she wants you to me more like your "perfect" sister but still encourages some negative behavior through positive reactions and her own example."

"I guess she can't decide if I'm capable of rising above my foreseeable fate or if it's inescapable." Dr. Bliss nodded and watched as Sam's attention seemed to shift to something far outside the confines of the office. From the look on her face Dr. Bliss knew that it wasn't only Pam Puckett who was uncertain of Sam's future.

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**So yep its a shorter chapter. Next chapter we move on to the next person in the line up; Spencer.**

**Leave a review. Please and Thank You.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the long space between updates. It was a hectic week at school, I had literally no free time. Unfortunately it may be weekly updates for a while because the only chapter I have left that is completely written is the one after this one. The rest are half finished and one isn't even started. But i'll try to get it done as quickly as possible. **

**A thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Like I said before we are moving on to Spencer but first we are going to make mention of Sam's father. **

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Six: iCrush on Spencer**

"Okay we've talked about your mom, what about your dad, it sounds like you don't live together but," Dr. Bliss left the statement open ended for Sam to pick up how she chose to.

"I haven't seen him since he left." Sam replied rather blatantly.

"When was that?"

"I don't really remember him; I think I was maybe three when he left." She answered. "All I really know about him is what my mom has told me and she doesn't exactly talk about him nicely, my mom has awful taste in men though so it's likely what she says is true."

"What does your mom say about him?"

"She said that when he left he said he was coming back, she says she should have known better and that he left because he was lazy and didn't want the burden of a couple of toddlers; she's pretty lazy herself so I can only imagine how bad he must have been."

"You have no recollection of him."

"I know some people say they can remember a family member or someone holding them or singing to them when they're just babies like that but I honestly can't, I don't remember him ever picking me up." Sam yawned. She sat with her back against the arm of the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest. She really wanted to go to sleep.

"Do you have any positive male figures in your life?" Dr. Bliss asked and hoped she had even just one.

"Not really, I have a couple of uncles but they are both in jail, they definitely care about me, but I don't see them much and they're probably not the positive role model you were looking for." Dr. Bliss shook her head. No, her uncles didn't exactly count.

"Do you have any older cousins or a family friend?" Sam raised her eyebrows at Dr. Bliss like she must have been crazy. Her family didn't have friends, at least not real ones; only ones that would turn you in for the right price. Dr. Bliss went to make another note on her clipboard, Sam realized she must be nearing the end of the page. She didn't know why but she didn't want the last bit on that page to be so negative and blurted out her next sentence without much thought.

"I guess Spencer might count." She didn't know in what world Spencer was a positive role model but she really was exhausted.

"Who is Spencer?" She paused, pen hovering over the paper.

"Carly's older brother."

"Tell me about him."

Sam took a second to think and without realizing it started to ramble. "He's weird, kind of like an overgrown child but he can be responsible sometimes, he's an artist for a living, he dropped out of law school after three days, he's protective of Carly and he's always nice to us and if we need help with iCarly or a ride somewhere even like California he's willing to do it."

"Sounds like you really like him."

"I always did sort of have a little crush on him," she admitted.

"_Sorry about the stairs, next time we can take the elevator." Carly said as she and Sam finally reached the eighth floor of Bushwell Plaza. It was Sam's first visit. Carly had just moved in with her older brother Spencer whom she had yet to have the pleasure to meet. She'd seen pictures of him before and Carly had told her loads of stuff about him. He was an artist, technically and sculptor, which Sam thought was awesome because it wasn't some boring desk job that a million people could do. She'd seen some of his work before and while they were a little crazy she really liked them. _

_As they walked down the hall Sam took in her surroundings. It was pretty boring and colorless for the most part. They stopped at the door and Sam asked what the neighbors were like. Carly told her that the apartment was vacant at the moment. The last resident was apparently not a fan of kids and when Spencer, who he already didn't like, told him she was moving in the guy up and left. _

_Carly pushed open the door to her own apartment and Sam had to blink her eyes a few times. The contrast between the colorful apartment and the bland hallway was amazing. After the initial shock wore off Sam started taking in the details. _

_The living room was decorated with what she was sure was patio furniture but the lamps on the side tables were cool. She could see the kitchen from the doorway and noted the retro green range and she wondered if there was food in any of the cabinets. She was just about to ask Carly when something else caught her eye._

"_Is that an elevator?"_

"_Yes."_

"_But it's in your apartment!" She ran over to it extremely excited over the fact that it was IN the apartment. "When you said we could take the elevator next time I didn't think you meant like this." She jabbed the button and waited for the doors to open. _

"_It might take a minute it could be coming from eight floors down."_

"_This is so cool."_

"_CARLY!" Sam spun around at the sound of someone shouting. "Carly wait don't go anywhere!" A second later a tall lanky man came bolting out of a room she couldn't see. Sam hardly got a chance to look at him before she and Carly were being ordered back out the door. _

"_Spencer, what?" Carly eyes were narrowed in confusion._

"_It's you're first day coming here after school, I want it to be special." He pushed the two of them back out the door and slammed it closed. _

"_So when can we come in?" Carly asked through the door._

"_In a minute!" He shouted back. Sam couldn't help but laugh. She'd known Carly's brother for five seconds and already she liked him. She was about to ask Carly if they could grab a snack once they were allowed in when Spencer's voice was heard once more. "Alright come in now."_

_Carly rolled her eyes and twisted the door handle. "You locked us out Spencer!"_

"_I know," he sounded like he was just on the other side of the door, "use your key!"_

"_You never gave me my key!" _

_There was mess of confused words followed by the sounds of footsteps and what Sam could only describe as a hundred and sixty pound man tripping over a coffee table and hitting the floor. "Is he okay?"_

"_Probably, he can be sort of clumsy."_

_The door swung open and a key was promptly shoved into Carly's hands. The door slammed shut and the lock was turned back into place. The girls smiled in amusement and Carly unlocked the door. Spencer was casually sitting on the couch, feet on the table over the mess of hastily picked up papers and junk. He stood as they entered and clicked off the television. "Welcome home Carly, and" he paused, "friend of Carly's, how was school?"_

"_You're such a freak." Carly dropped her bag by the door. Sam followed suit. "And this is Sam, remember I told you she'd probably come over after school."_

"_Ah yes," Sam tried hard not to giggle at his overly pleasant tone. "It's a pleasure to meet you Sam, I've heard much about you, not all good I assure you."_

"_School was fine, I want to show Sam my room so maybe we can talk later-" _

"_I've prepared some after school snacks in the kitchen, please come and enjoy them."_

_Carly hesitated but noticed Sam's eyes lit up at the mention of snacks and she could not help but be a good hostess. "Okay." Spencer led them to the kitchen and laid out on the table was a platter of healthy snacks and cookies. _

"_This is sweet Spencer but you're not really going to do this every day."_

"_Aw come on you don't know that." His proper sophisticated voice had dropped. _

"_There is no way you'll go through all this trouble every day."_

_He held up his hand and placed the other across his heart. "I, Spencer Shay, swear to you that as long as you live with me I shall prepare snacks for the after-school enjoyment of you and your friends and ask how your day went. It is my duty as older brother and guardian."_

_Carly took a few moments to look at him skeptically while she chewed and swallowed her celery stick and peanut butter. "Bet you won't last a week."_

_Sam watched the exchange while shoveling down the cookies made available. Maybe Spencer wouldn't keep up this attentive brother act for as long as he believed he could but Sam couldn't help but like him just that little bit more for trying. Her mom never made her snacks and she only asked her what happened at school if she brought home something to be signed. She always figured she'd gotten into trouble again._

"_So Sam, if you're Carly's bff you'll probably be coming over a lot."_

"_That is extremely likely." She brushed some crumbs off her face with the sleeve of her shirt._

"_Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"_

"_Spencer, I've told you tons about Sam already, do you just stop listening-" Spencer held up his hand in Carly's face to silence her. _

"_Your guest is talking Carly." Sam laughed. _

"_Um," Sam suddenly didn't know what to say. She stared stupidly up at Spencer willing herself to say something. She was a twin, she had a cat. That stuff wasn't cool. She was very strong for her size, she could do a cartwheel with one hand. That sounded lame too. She felt her cheeks turn pink and finally blurted out, "I like food."_

_Spencer laughed and she was sure she wasn't just pink but bright red now. "Food is great, hey do you like tacos?"_

"_Tacos are awesome." Sam mentally scolded herself for such a stupid response._

"_What about spaghetti?"_

_Carly shook her head. "Spencer not again."_

"_Spaghetti is even better." Sam persisted, enjoying the attention she was receiving and hoping she didn't sound so stupid._

"_Ha, okay so say you take these two tasty foods and combined them would it not be perfect." He seemed so excited about the idea that even though she though it was a little weird she couldn't say so._

"_Spaghetti tacos? I'd try it."_

"_Yes!" He repeatedly poked Carly's shoulder while the brunette continued her snack. "I'm making them again tomorrow, you can't stop me, Sam you ask your-wait is she the one with freaky mom?" Carly nodded. "Ask your mom if you can come over for dinner?"_

"_Will do."_

"_If we're done with this now I'd like to show Sam my room." Carly stood but Spencer stopped her again. He told them that the old coffee shop across the street was apparently sold and being converted into smoothie place. He promised to take them when it finally opened. _

_Sam continued to grin widely as she followed Carly up the stairs, she was excited to be included in future plans._

"I think that's sweet that you had a crush on him."

"Have." Sam corrected. "I don't know if this makes sense but I think in a weird way I never got over the crush on him; I mean he's just Carly's goofy older brother and he's like thirty now so it's kind of gross to have a crush on him and it's not like I'd ever want it to be anything but a silly crush."

"Crushes are fun because they don't have to be a big deal," Dr. Bliss said thoughtfully, "they can come from being attracted to someone, receiving affection or care from someone, common interest."

"I guess I always liked Spencer because he didn't mind me being around," Sam said honestly. "He jokes about it sometimes, that me and Freddie and even Gibby spend more time at the apartment than we do at our own homes; but I don't think he really minds, I think he likes having us around as long as he's not entertaining any of his lady friends."

Sam giggled at the thought and it got a chuckle out of Dr. Bliss.

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**So did you guys like this chapter? I always thought it was cute that Sam had a crush on Spencer because its such a normal thing crushing on a friend's sibling. Anyways leave a review. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for delay you guys. School has been crazy these past couple of weeks and i'm only updating because i managed to finish my paper earlier that i expected. But good news, next week its thanksgiving break so maybe i can get the few chapters i haven't written out of the way. Bed news, iCarly is ending in like 9 days. I'm going to cry my eyes out. **

**Anyways here's the next chapter. More with Spencer. Hope you guys enjoy it-its kind of a short one.**

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**Sam's Session**

**Chapter Seven: Second Little Sister**

"He told me once that sometimes he forgets that he only really has to worry about Carly, the rest of us are just extras but that he can't help but care what happens to us too."

"When did he tell you this?"

"After Carly and I almost fell off the window washing platform." Sam answered casually not realizing that not everyone knew that story.

"You nearly fell from a window washing platform?" She looked shocked. Clearly none of her more typical patients had such a story for her.

Sam smiled. "Yeah, it's sort of a long story but basically Carly and I got into this huge fight and we both needed to go out on the platform for videos we were making, we got permission and everything, but the guy wasn't there at the time and I jumped out on the platform and Carly followed me and clearly Bushwell needs to invest in safer equipment because we ended up lopsided on the thing and the guys had to pull us in with a rope."

Dr. Bliss looked appropriately horrified but brushed it off with only a quick note on her clipboard. "So what happened afterwards?"

_**Sam sat on the couch staring at the TV that was glowing eerily in the Shay's dark living room. Carly hadn't wanted her to leave and figuring her mom wasn't home anyways she opted to stay the night. It was late but she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes the world was upside down again; she couldn't shake the sensation of falling. What if Spencer and Freddie hadn't been able to pull them in? They would be pancakes right now.**_

_**She tried not to think about it. She had come downstairs so she wouldn't wake Carly and had ended up in the refrigerator making a ham sandwich. She wished more interesting shows came on in the middle of the night. **_

_**There was thump behind her and she jumped. Spencer had just stumbled out of his room and tripped over the tie of his robe. He started mumbling mostly incoherent words but stopped when he spotted her blonde head over the back of the couch. **_

"_**Is Carly awake too?"**_

"_**Nah, she's still asleep, I didn't want to wake her so I came down here."**_

"_**You doing okay?" He asked. He shuffled over to the couch and sat down next to her. She wanted to laugh at his hair sticking up and his handmade 'world's best brother t-shirt' that Carly had made him when she was six. She couldn't bring herself to do it though; he had just helped pull her in a window after dangling what felt like a thousand feet in the air.**_

"_**I'm alright I just can't quite get the image of Seattle's skyline upside down out of my head."**_

"_**Must have been pretty scary, did you want to talk about it." The sincerity of his offer was cut short by a long drawn out yawn. Sam rolled her eyes and pulled her blanket around her tighter.**_

"_**I'm alright, you can go check on Carly now, that's what you got up to do right?"**_

"_**I was going to get the leftover pizza out of the fridge but what you said sounds better." He looked up the stairs and then over at the kitchen. **_

"_**I already ate the rest of the pizza, you might as well go check on Carly."**_

"_**Aw man," Spencer started to get up but stopped and turned back to her. "You sure you're okay?"**_

"_**You don't have to worry about me."**_

"_**I know I don't have to, sort of happens against my will, I think my brain forgets sometimes that I only have one little sister to take care of." Sam blinked. She wasn't really sure what to say to that. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. Her mother hardly cared, her sister and the rest of her family made some effort to care but as the saying goes 'out of sight out of mind,' and her father of course didn't care at all. Spencer had no obligation to care but did it anyways. "I guess it's just a side effect of you being around so much, happens with Freddie too, I love Carly but sometimes I think it would have been cool to have a little brother instead."**_

"T_**hanks for the concern, I wouldn't mind being an only child but if I did have to have a brother I'd want one like you."**_

"_**Aww, well thanks." She curled up in a ball and went back to staring at the TV. She could feel Spencer staring at her. Finally he got up and went to the kitchen. From the corner of her eye she saw him turn on the oven and take a frozen pizza from the freezer. **_

_**He went upstairs while the oven was preheating and then came back down, tossing the pizza in the oven. He came back to the living room and plopped down next to her. **_

"_**If you're not going to sleep you could get a movie, I'll stay up and watch it with you."**_

"_**You sure, I'll pick something scary you know." She warned. He could be such a wuss sometimes.**_

"_**Bring it on."**_

"Spencer sounds like a wonderful big brother." Dr. Bliss told Sam as the girl lay back on the couch looking utterly exhausted. "I always wanted one."

"They're not all that great, the first time I fell asleep during the movie he woke me up because he was scared." She stopped to consider something. "The next morning I did wake up back upstairs though so I guess he was nice enough to not let me sleep on the couch the whole night."

"Speaking of sleep Sam, have you slept recently?"

Sam peered at the doctor through her droopy eyes. She didn't want to get into the story of the lock-in yet, but if she played it off casually maybe she wouldn't make a big deal of it. "My school had a lock-in last night, we stay up all night and work on projects, I left early but I only got a few hours of sleep."

Dr. Bliss scribbled down a quick note about a lock in. If it was just last night it may have been the location of where whatever event took place that convinced that she was insane. She glanced at her watch it was a little before noon. She felt the need to stretch her legs and Sam's eyes kept going in and out of focus.

"Sam I would like to suggest that we take a little intermission from our session."

"What?" Sam asked startled.

"I think we should take a short break Sam, I have some errands to run and to be quite frank you look like you could use a nap, I keep a blanket in one of these cabinets, comes in handy sometimes." She stood and searched the cabinets behind her until she found an old quilt. "You can take a nap here while I run out and do a few things."

"I just told you I had a criminal record and you're really willing to let me stay here in your office unsupervised?" Sam asked skeptically. She accepted the blanket that Dr. Bliss handed to her.

"Everything important is locked up and I'd like to think that in return for me helping you we've reached a point where we can trust each other." She was fetching her purse from her desk now. Sam couldn't help but think that she did desperately want to sleep. She wanted to eat too but without some rest she wasn't sure she'd be able to feed herself. "I can lock the door so that no one bothers you while I'm out, I think some rest will really help you at the moment."

Sam nodded. She started to readjust herself on the couch. Dr. Bliss moved towards the door but before she could leave Sam stopped her. "Dr. Bliss?"

"Yes Sam?"

"I know that most therapy sessions are only like an hour long and I've already been here way longer than that, you should know that I don't exactly have a lot of money and I'm not sure-" she started to trail off sheepishly.

Dr. Bliss smiled comfortingly. "I'll make you a deal Sam, you let me use our session as research, I won't use your name or anything identifiable like that and I won't bill you."

"You can do that?"

"It's my practice; I can do whatever I like as long as I don't break patient confidentiality."

Sam smiled as she lay back on the couch. She liked Dr. Bliss's way of thinking. She closed her eyes and was asleep before she even heard the door lock.

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**Did you guys enjoy this one. Hopefully it won't be two long before the next one is up. It won't focus on any character in particular more just Sam but after that its Carly for a couple of chapters and then we'll finally get to Freddie.**


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